dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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