Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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