Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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