I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
