I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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