i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
