If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
sex in a hospital.. check
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
