dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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