She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize