if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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