I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
