You're completely useless in the revolution.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
