they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
