Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
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