I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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