why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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