Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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