so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
