last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
