How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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