If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I just gargled with NyQuil
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
