Only a mothe r could love this liver
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
