I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
