God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
