This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
