one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
