I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
