left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
