explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
