some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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