I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
