dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
