I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
