I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Even the bartender felt bad for me
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
