there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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