Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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