My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
