I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
