she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
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