he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
