The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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