when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
