and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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