how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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