Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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