i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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