remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
