Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
