Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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