Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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