is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
