I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize