is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
