we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
