So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
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