i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
