He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
thus making me awesome and them whores
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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