Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
