I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Randomize
