It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
