I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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