worst night to have a conscience
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
