i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
