i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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