I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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