you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
