I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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