New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
