I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
