Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
