Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Randomize
